Discordia

Additional information for Operation Exodus is located on the Project Page. Updates will be uploaded as progress is made.

To view this piece in the raw, visit The Open Notes Archive. The Recording is on The Legion Directory, and the video will be uploaded soon to @ReadByLester.

I have not been sleeping well. It's challenging to eat right. I'm not even sure if I'm thinking totally clearly through the heartbreak and pain at this point, but I know I'm seeing truth because my brain won't let it die.

For all the suffering I experienced while dealing with my divorce while in Japan, those brief moments were suspended in a dream not just for the flowing of alcohol, but for my witnessing the general joy of life and passion of living that the Japanese people expressed in everything they did, from my perspective. I felt a certain kind of peace in that place, and I suspect it is because I was removed from American Insanity.

I've been chewing on this feeling and didn't want to say anything until I was really sure, but I had to run a few errands on the 4th, and there was no sense of happiness for holiday or respect for history around anywhere. We don't feel excited for the 4th of July for a number of reasons; at this point, does it even matter to speak about how broken it all is?

I feel like I'm going insane because there's no one to talk to about this and it's almost like I'm cordoned off from people that think like me. One of Two things must be true, I am either insane and extremely off-putting, or I just think very differently than most people by benefit of my experiences, and my people will find me once I make myself findable. Either way, the uploads will continue until operational conditions degrade.

I feel lost, enraged, and exhausted. All my life I have fought to survive and while I am thankful for the opportunities that I have been fortunate enough to take part in, I can't stay here any longer, and I honestly feel like I need to put everything of my life behind me altogether and just let go. I don't hate America, but I'm disgusted with what we've become. Everything is backwards, nothing makes sense, and there are people swearing that either better days are going to magically appear or that doom is surely on the horizon with not the slightest offering of resolution. What benefit does that serve? It's obvious that the societal compact is broken but preaching doom helps no one and only proves you a plebeian parrot.

Not to say I've not met good people and had positive experiences, but I've also been betrayed, abandoned, lied to, and disrespected at every turn, no matter how well I tried to serve and be of value to those around me. I'm frustrated, and angry, but it's so much, it's just a dull ache in the pit of my stomach and an echo of clock hands ticking away in the back of my skull. I feel like I am running from a destruction I cannot see but that my soul definitely knows and understands.

Progress takes time... I don't have the patience for waiting more better times; all my life I've played this game and I can no longer still idle and hope that things will change; I need to leave this place.

I. This Is Modernia

The people are turned to Chaos and now worship false gods while flood waters of Apathy swallow American Modernia whole. We are an enslaved people on the grounds of a sleeping nation, and it's depressing to witness. If we are not so occupied with our own financial survival or political affiliation we stray from ambition and cling to distraction in Plato's rave, we are made to be unable to even properly register other human beings for the blinding of the hatred in our hearts or the resentment in our minds, we are entranced by the mass media machine and spend our days propagating the propaganda that all is lost and there is no hope fighting the horrors that stalk the darkness of the day.

This is the woe forced upon us in our shared Crisis Era; This Age of Chaotic Apathy. There is so much general fuckery going on that the people are all going quietly and loudly insane. Through our actions, thoughts, and the way we treat each other we demonstrate to the technocrats that their media machines are working as intended to drive division and misunderstanding, leading to crisis at every level. The kids can't read, the adults can't pay for food, The Authority begs all citizens remain at their work stations until the recession that we're not in is over, and all the while, The Emperor works to bring Peace to The Middle East, and those files have gone missing, just like any sense of normalcy or decency in this country.

We've gone mad with lust, greed, power, apathy, and hatred, and it's destroying everything from the core out to the flesh while we take our fill on gore, horrors, fabricated, ultra-processed bread, and UFC Arena Games.

It's insane how filled with rage I am at realizing that MOST people will never come anywhere near even having a solid 3 hours to sit in silence to begin reflecting on the fact that the entire combined weight of multiple industrial complexes works in organized concert to keep us enslaved while making us to call the chains "caregiver".

Feels like everything is falling apart.

None of that is even important anymore. Have you ever looked up how much 37 Trillion dollars is? The writing has been on the walls written in blood for some time now, and we keep pretending that "the smart people that do that stuff" will "figure it out". Prices creep, products shrink, and sooner or later, there will be some kind of collapse and restructuring.

It is going to get progressively worse before it gets better in the same way the water warms up until the moment you eventually perish.

The economy is imploding and the grounds of this good Earth shake beneath our feet as the worlds around us march forward with history before our very eyes. Nothing matters but personal peace and personal progress in service to controlling the chaos within your reach, destroying the Apathy in your domain, and inspiring all who will witness your light to do the same.

All else is beyond your control, so distance yourself from chaos by whatever means necessary and commit to the Work Which Is Required to reach your ambitions.

I believe that there will be a resolution to the crisis era eventually, but the nation itself is already forever changed. I will not remain here to witness it, and why should I? Why should anyone with the sense to learn how to build a vessel to travel them to a place not actively consuming itself not do exactly that? I seek peace.

II. "Eternal Evocati"

A man may be paid for the loss of a limb and made to be right with his new way of life, but how is a survivor compensated for scars of the soul when the systems that were supposed to catch us if we fall, fail?

For 8 years of my life I wore my uniform while under the impression that the civilians of the country would care for our nation while servicemembers did our part to hold the shared dream up. Then I discovered that veterans could become homeless because no one really loves broken things that don't self repair. I feel betrayed at the core by my leaders, those far above me who determined my path and kept me on it despite my protests, and the family that led me proudly and carelessly into darkness when I left the uniform behind.

"The revolution will not be televised" points to a change that must be made within man's mind itself before change can be made around us. As a veteran I am pre-disposed to loyal service, almost to a fault at risk of putting myself in harms way for others.

That is who Isaac Lester was: loyal servant of the American Empire and trained instrument of targeted violence when called upon. I carried that identity and perverted it to extend to everyone around me at the time while tying me in place wherever I was.

For this, I've been mistreated, taken advantage of and taken for granted while being abused and looked down upon by both those in my circles and by those I served to give that freedom to. And I, like so many others who still walk among us, have been forgotten.

None of that matters now, either. Now I am here, and the system demands by its fundamental nature and design that I continue fighting the thousand small wars required to survive in this dystopian hell until the slop and the pills finally deliver us to death.

slave, recalled to service, eternal evocati, fighting forever against an enemy I can't touch which cannot be destroyed by man alone

I fucking refuse.

Have I not already worked? Have I not already bled, and lost friends, and brothers, and parts of my soul which were changed in ways that words cannot describe? I did it to escape the ghetto, I offered myself to the state because I thought it would help my family. I did it because I saw the towers go down. It was worth it, despite the scars, and I might just do it again, but not if I knew how everything here would turn out.

I am not so decorated as the true heroes who stormed beaches, but I understand their pain when they say that the nation has gone to hell.

I will not continue fighting for my life in this eternal rat race under the warehouse fires of an open air prison, especially not while a quarter of the country cries out to defund the police and more than half support forever wars and death by taxation, and have the audacity to call the price of a thing going from 2.50, up to 5, down to 3.25 winning.

Not just me and the veterans of this nation, but the teachers, caregivers, elderly, nor not even the common or imprisoned man should have to live under what can only be classified as cruel and highly unusual psychological, financial, and spiritual torture.

They break us so completely that we cling to that which enslaves us and see it as impossible to live any other way. If no one is coming to support or save you, then there will be no one to stop you either when the rebellious thought of escape forms a plan in your own mind.

I have spent so many lifetimes on survival already, all my existence has been sprinting through and from chaos. I am simply tired now, I can run no longer but for a final sprint to freedom.

I'm grateful for all I was exposed to and all I got to experience, from the tattoos printed on my flesh in Japan to the skills coded to my memory from every setback and recovery since, but there are a thousand small reasons I simply cannot here, anymore, and I don't feel safe, wanted, or respected in the land that I served.

Seeing everything as it is, having no attachments to this place, I will take what I was given, and I will depart.

III. Exodus

I arrive now, weary and expecting at the final operation at the turn of my umpteenth breaking point. On Exodus; My gear, some clothes, and my notes are all I need to make mayhem in the war of wills, with Lesterian High Philosophy and all my special weapons of words.

My personal expenses are relatively low when it comes to what I need to be content; it's the cost of eggs and general existence that have me in a vice at the moment. Elsewhere, this will not be an issue for me, and I know being able to shop for groceries without anxiety is going to have a dramatic effect on every other part of my life.

Isaac Lester was a Marine of respectable training, once. I can easily break down to just a bowl of rice every day for a month or so if that is what's required to make these numbers work. I honestly only need around 5k in total and no recurring vehicle bills at the critical moment to make the entirety of this plan work and change everything. In theory, the savings made from freeing myself from all vehicles alone should pocket me 2k on the month of movement, plus 4k from selling both sellable boats if I aim to just offload them as is at lowest points each.

It'd be nice to pad myself as much as possible, but I am so offended and feverish, I may do just that.

That's 6k on step off day for Phase I. Already above of the lines of fire in a country where the general cost of living for a foreigner is between $1400 and $2500. I believe in the power of suffering with intention in service to the glory of claiming a goal. For this, I will fight.

The dream of Exodus has become a short notice deployment for me and has adjusted all of my everything. I am grateful for this opportunity and will act without fear in the face of all challenges laid before me.

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I'm bringing with me, a travel pack and a small pelican case. Everything else is going away or going into cold storage for when I eventually find a True Home to settle. I'm donating Orion and selling Matilda with everything she has. My Bangor Punta Cal 31, my Kayak, the Interceptor, paddle board, everything, as well as Scotch Mist: The Ericson. That will buffer my pocket to make sure I have an easy exit and soft landing.

Men have crossed oceans with far less before, and I have known suffering before. It will be like the last FeverDream before waking to a new game start and playing field altogether.

IV. Pre-Deployment

Before I can leave I will need to travel to Florida for a collaboration with another Lego adjacent creator.

CloneBrickCustoms and I share a string of insanity in a passion project. We've resurrected my designs for a minifigure scale Venator from obscurity and we're going to build all several hundred thousand parts of her while documenting the process.

"Broadsword" is a part of my long term retirement plan. Mini figure scale Lego ships and the instructions to create them, with video and long form newsletters to follow as well.

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The House of "Imperial Engineering" supports The Imperial Triality and my general "self improvement/personal reconstruction" work, along with the House of "Imperial Ink" and the projects therein.

Following the laying of the final brick, I'm off to complete the Exodus and make landfall wherever is easiest to do so in Asia.

I'll begin looking for a new vessel at once, and that plan will start forming, as I myself form then to locate what will become my new base of operations.

What I plan to build on the other side is a foundation for all that is to come next... 

Never again will I be laid so low as to need to plan a literal escape as I have been required to do repetitively this past decade of my life. I have learned from this lesson and will adjust all future behavior in respect of this new and hard earned wisdom.

I cannot describe enough or accurately, how desperately I want to travel and build proper infrastructures to house my ambitions. Here in Modernia it's almost seen as a hostile act to declare that a man want to become Great, I think that is a true and great tragedy, for a dozen-dozen reasons.

V. On Documentation

If the internet is dead, I can vent my thoughts freely without worry that I'll come under attack or criticism for my insanity.

If there is a percentage of free thinkers who resist the dying of that machine and the living of the other, I will have laid bare the complete story of my life with every challenge and major disruption, and how I specifically overcame the traumas that manifested later down the line as a result.

For any and all who dare to do battle against the darkness of the day, I offer you my current body of work, we will begin with Mental Operating Systems, and Lesterian Frameworks for Chaos.

I can't fix the nation, but if you will hear me, I will share with you how I woke from the Sleep of The Mind and saved myself from destruction, and in that, was allowed new perspective and a true road from ruin.

99% of my journey is driven by pure societal disillusionment and a deep and unreconcilable grief for the promises of family and community that were stolen from me multiple times over. I want to document both the pain of my story as well as the overcoming of it through building and showing my own path to progress. This is The Triality of The MINDSET Nation, Grey Garrison, and Dark Church.

Crusaders & Campaigners... In Te Ipso Bellum

There can always be multiple things true at once; we can be bitter and upset as carriers of resentment, stress, and anxiety, or we can choose to gain perspective through harvesting lessons from our losses. Your story is all just words, make them your weapons. We can make progress from our pain, and we can turn our attention to the machines that made us stray from the path to begin with.

How Will You Respond?

Would you live to be the bird which thrives in flame, to emerge a phoenix and sight to behold, or remain dull in the darkness you were placed in? Would you fight with me, Lector Carissime? Would you become ReForged and fight for yourself?

It is a spiritual war, of wills

It can be challenging beyond all recognition to become an active participant in the fight for your future. There are very real forces that work against you on this Good Earth. I know I am not the only person going through this; having sacrificed everything for the people and ideas you love, only to be abused and rejected by the same cohort of what was supposed to be companions, as well as the same nation they all cling to for guidance and direction.

I tried to play this game. I thought I won, but I lost, and I'm taking my consolation prize and I'm leaving. I enlisted at 17 and I feel 70, it's insane.

Know this: that your life is your own, and the time we are given is our only true possession of value. You cannot regain time that is stolen from you, we can only learn from the mistakes made in the past in order to live the lives we wish to lead.

END

Additional details for Operation Exodus are live and publicly accessible through the Open Notes Archive, and the full logs will be kept there as I make overall progress on advancing the operation.

I am consumed with the dream of Exodus and all that becomes possible on the other side of this operation, and I will accomplish this, once I nail the details to a board properly. "if you want cool friends, you have to do cool shit". I'm working on it. It starts and ends, with Awareness. I find myself chained on the sands of the arena, but I am grateful to know how to pick locks. I will escape or destroy my bonds, win the fight before me, and claim victory in my exit from Modernia altogether.

I offer you my route and plans. Witness Me.